The thing about giving your whole life to God is that sometimes He asks you to do stuff that you don't really want to do, but you know that it will be for the best. It's tough but that's life...
I've returned from my holiday in a more positive frame of mind and more determined not to get dragged down into any negativity that flies around here at times. It's great to spend time with one's family, to just 'be' myself with the ones who know me best.
God's also been impressing on my just how massive He is, especially compared to the worries and chaos that we live in. He is much bigger than this place I find myself in now, He's much bigger than all the problems of everyone here. He is the Lord, the King of the Universe. He knows everything, sees everything and loves to surprise us.
Sometimes I think you have to suspend your own desires, throw away your frustrations and just 'go with it'. I think that could be the key to survival here. I love structure and organisation. I ran a school, you need to know who is with which group of children, where and when. It seems that is not possible all the time here. Tomorrow a lot of the key players in the volunteer group here are heading off for a few weeks. We are left with few people to do a lot of jobs. This weekend it looks like I'm running the whole show alone. And yet, somehow it all comes together and works, after a fashion. I think I'm adopting the 'adapt or die' model of survival (and the only thing that I want to see die is the mould!)
But I digress... God stepped in yesterday to sort out a situation. He pushed me to make a decision and to follow it through immediately without time for procrastination or hesitation. After I took the step and shut the door, He jumped in and bolted it firmly shut, put several locks on it and a 'no entry' sign up.. He told me not to look back or to analyse but to look forward to the blessings to come. He met me and walked me through it and I know that He will provide generously for my needs. He then proceeded to shut several more doors during the course of the evening and to bring more answers to my questions today. God is on the move in my personal life and it's exciting to see what will happen next. The annoying thing is that no amount of wondering, projecting or planning will prepare me for it. I simply have to let go, trust God and lean not on my own understanding. It was a weird day yesterday, I cried so much I looked like I had sunburn on my face, and yet I was so happy that God is moving and refining me. Life is so weird sometimes, but thankfully God is good and that will never change. Exciting times are ahead so I wait with eager anticipation for the Lord to move more and more...
And on a completely different note, I sorted my ticket out today and will be in the UK from 23rd June for about 7 weeks! ;-) Am very excited about coming back home and seeing all my friends... I've only got about 8 weeks here and then I'm off! I'll be arranging to see various people when the choir is on tour and will have an itinerary sorted soon, but after the tour is finished I'll be free to catch up too and can come and talk about my work here if anyone is interested/motivated to set up a session! Get in touch...
